Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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