I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
