I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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