That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
