My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
