i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need a beard to bite.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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