Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
