all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
