this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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