I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
