Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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