i was born a porn star she said
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
