I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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