Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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