i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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