did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
