so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
