So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
