Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
