Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
