My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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