corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize