I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
