From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
