Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i've created a new STD.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
