Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
