Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
