True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
