We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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