I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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