So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
