they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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