puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize