Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I deserve this hangover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
