Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
