when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
