Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
