you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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