he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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