road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
