she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
