i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
