He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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