he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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