What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
