Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
