did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
