my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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