I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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