Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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