If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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