I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
