she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
