I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
