in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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