Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
