oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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