I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
