umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
