you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
