Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
