Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
