I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm getting married
To pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
