eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if only i could text you this smell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
