he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize