if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
