Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We left the knife in your bed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
