Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
